DEJA VUE
Ten years had passed since Linda, my wife, started an affair. We separated for a time and I became involved with Sharon. When Linda ended her affair and proposed that we resume a traditional marital relationship, I had to let go of Sharon. It wasn’t easy, Sharon and I had grown fond of each other, but I judged it to be necessary and right.
Although I never again saw Sharon, I received a phone call from her about two years after our last meeting. Sharon had a serious psychiatric condition in which she sometimes experienced paranoid delusions. I found that I could effectively help her sort out her troubled thoughts. I was able to help her separate real from imaginary thoughts.
When she called, she was experiencing one of those episodes. Linda answered the phone and handed it to me. Linda probably thought I was still secretly involved with Sharon. If I had been, I would have done so openly. When we resumed our marriage, Linda assured me I could continue seeing Sharon if I chose to. I chose not to. Yet, Linda had given me a disapproving look when she handed me the phone. I was able to help Sharon sort her thoughts, as I always had, but it was an awkward conversation for me.
A year or so later, I received a second phone call. As with the first, Linda answered the phone and looked at me disapprovingly. I suspect Sharon could sense the awkwardness in my voice. She never called again.
Sometime later, I ran into one of Sharon’s neighbors who told me he thought she had returned to her hometown, Boulder, Colorado to be close to her parents. I thought that was best for her.
Linda, Mary Ann, our daughter, now a 15-year-old high school junior, and I were living a comfortable, secure life in our large country home just outside town.
Our relationship was going along smoothly. I had mostly forgotten her episode of cheating and betraying. I rarely thought about her hostile treatment of me during the months before I discovered her affair.
{The story begins here:}
Then, after about six years, I noticed a subtle, gradual change in our relationship. Linda was becoming cold and distant toward me. When I mentioned it she snapped, “You haven’t been very warm toward me!”
As time passed, she began displaying episodes of hostility, contempt, and unwarranted criticism toward me. It reminded me of the sudden transformation of her attitude toward me ten years prior.
My chameleon was changing colors again as she had done before.
Then I noticed she was wearing the pin. Her cheating partner of ten years prior was an artist who made metal jewelry. He had given Linda a pin he made for her. She wore it continuously until she ended the affair. After six years, she was wearing it again.
I mentioned her wearing it, and she replied, “It’s a nice pin. It seemed a shame to let it sit in the back of a drawer. I’d rather it be on display.”
I asked her directly, “Are you seeing Paul again?”
“No,” she answered simply, and added, “Why would you think so?”
As her cold attitude and episodes of hostility continued, I asked her, “Do still want to stay married or do you want to go?”
She looked at me, appearing sympathetic, and said, “I want to go.”
Linda had clearly expressed her desire to separate from me, but as she had done ten years ago, she took no concrete steps in that direction. We continued living together while she remained emotionally distant, often expressing outright hostility.
In one instance she was driving us home in her car. There was a news report on the radio about a wildfire in California. Linda commented, “Somebody started that fire on purpose.”
From her tone of voice, I judged that she was speculating and said, “I don’t know. That could very well be the case.”
She became livid. “Are you doubting me?!” she shouted angrily.
“You’re always challenging my statements. I can’t put up with you anymore. You’re horrible!”
When we arrived home, she stormed into the house and studiously ignored my presence for the rest of that day. The next morning she acted as if nothing had happened.
Linda continued to wear the pin that her cheating partner, Paul had given her. I strongly believed she was seeing him again. I decided that if I were able to confirm my suspicion, our marriage was over; I would not agree to a reconciliation under any circumstances. Twice is too many times.
Ten years ago, I confirmed my suspicion that Linda was having an affair by monitoring one of her phone calls. I’m not fond of the idea of eavesdropping. I am driven to do so only when I am almost certain to discover a betrayal. In this instance, I was certain.
I visited an electronics store and purchased a device to monitor phone conversations.
Recording was done on magnetic tape cassettes at the time of these events. The device I purchased had a cord that plugged into a phone jack. It had a second cord that plugged into the microphone jack of a cassette player/recorder. When a phone was activated anywhere in the house on the same line (same phone number), the device automatically switched the recorder on. When the call disconnected, the device switched it off.
I used one of our five bedrooms as an office. Behind a cabinet in my office was an unused phone jack that no one paid attention to. I plugged the monitoring device into that phone jack, concealed behind the cabinet.
A few nights later, after a day when Linda was not working, and I was, I checked the tape and found some of it wound around the beginning reel. The tape had been switched on. Somebody had either made or received a phone call. I removed the cassette and replaced it with a fresh one. I locked the recorded cassette in the glove compartment of my car.
The next day on my way home from work I slid the cassette into the slot in my car’s tape player and turned it on. I heard Mary Ann’s voice. Not intending to eavesdrop on Mary Ann’s conversations, I switched to fast forward.
Further on in the recording, the voice changed. It was Linda’s. She was talking with a man. Judging by the content of the conversation, it was clear that she was talking to Paul. They were engaged in an intimate conversation. Six years after she ended her affair, it had resumed.
Our marriage was over.
Chapter 2 — Part II
