OUR ROADS DIVERGE
Having verified that my wife, Linda, was cheating again, I decided that our marriage must end. Linda had said that she wanted to separate, but had not taken any steps toward that end.
Linda was still concealing her affair. She wanted to create an impression that her leaving was the fault of my supposed intolerable presence. It was not easy, since I always treated her kindly and respectfully.
Ten years ago, Linda suddenly became hostile towards me. She expressed abject contempt and complained that she found my very presence unpleasant. She was establishing a pretext. She was trying to justify separating from me and dismantling our family without having to acknowledge that she was doing so to form a relationship with Paul, her cheating partner. She agreed to cease her hostile behavior when I discovered her affair and threatened to expose it to Paul’s wife.
Weeks later, we separated. After a year, we reunited. Six years have passed Since then.
{That story is told in Chapter 1 of this sage, which begins here:}
Now, she was repeating that same behavior. I uncovered her renewed cheating with Paul by monitoring phone conversations, similar to the way I uncovered it 10 years earlier. I wanted to find a way to corner Linda into ending our marriage for the expressed purpose of choosing a relationship with Paul — of choosing to dismantle our family explicitly for that reason.
I continued to monitor Linda and Paul’s phone conversations. Some conversational content suggested that Paul was less serious about their relationship than Linda. Linda ended one conversation saying, “I love you.” Paul did not reciprocate. His response was, “I know.” He sounded awkward and ambivalent when he said it. Another time he referred to Linda as “one of my friends.” I had the impression that their relationship would not last.
Nevertheless, I was not willing to consider remaining married.
Surprise!
One evening, amidst this turmoil, Linda asked me to sit down with her and Mary Ann, our 17-year-old daughter. They had something important to discuss with me. I wondered if Linda had arranged to move out of our home or to evict me. Had she finally arranged her exit from our marriage?
It was none of those things. Mary Ann was pregnant. We had to decide what to do. Mary Ann was firmly opposed to having an abortion. Linda and I both supported that decision. Linda had already counseled Mary Ann to place the child for adoption. I agreed that was best.
However, after seeing the child in her first ultrasound scan, Mary Ann felt that she could not give her baby to someone else. She was determined to raise the child. Linda had similar feelings. We all knew that if Mary Ann were going to be a mother, she would need Linda and me to help her.
We arranged for Mary Ann to begin prenatal care. In matters involving Mary Ann and her plans for her baby, Linda was respectful toward me. She spoke kindly and displayed no contempt. The nature of these interactions reassured me that Linda and I could cooperate in continuing to parent Mary Ann and assist her in raising her child. I had confidence that we could separate and divorce without serious harm to Mary Ann’s well-being.
Mary Ann was growing up. She was about to take on some adult responsibilities while still in high school. We would be a family despite Linda and I dissolving our marriage.
Once we had absorbed the news of Mary Ann’s pregnancy our lives continued along the track on which they had been running.
One evening, I told Linda about my “suspicion” that she was seeing Paul. I mentioned her constantly wearing the pin he had given her during their first affair, as well as her cold, hostile, and disrespectful behavior.
She became enraged. “If I act coolly towards you, it’s because you are uncomfortable to be around!” she shouted. “You make me squirm.”
Linda was not scheduled to work the next day. The following afternoon, while driving home and listening to the previous day’s recording, I heard Linda talking to an unidentified person about an apartment for rent.
It appeared that Linda was about to leave me and attribute the separation to my supposed irritating presence. She would escape without ever admitting to an affair. She would hold me responsible for the destruction of our marriage, and appear credible in doing so.
As a last resort, I could reveal the taped phone conversations between her and Paul. But, I had a better idea.
Confession
I again brought up my “suspicion” that she was seeing Paul. As I expected, she responded angrily. I interrupted her tirade and said, “I hired a private investigator; I have pictures.”
“Pictures?! You have pictures?” She sounded panicky.
“ Have you seen the pictures?” she asked, still frantic. “If you haven’t seen them, you shouldn’t look at them. They are very disturbing.” She was calmer now.
There was a moment's pause.
“Wait a minute!” she said, “You didn’t hire an investigator,” she said skeptically. “There are no pictures.”
“No,” I replied. “There are no pictures, but you have just admitted that there could be — that there is something going on to take pictures of.”
“I’m caught with my pants down.” she admitted, “Literally, I suppose.” She smiled at that remark. “But, I’m done; I don’t intend to continue seeing him,” she lied.
Subsequent phone conversations over the next few days confirmed that she was lying.
Eviction
Ten years ago, I had forced Linda to desist in her contemptuous attitude towards me by threatening to expose the affair to Paul’s wife. I had no intention of repeating that ploy. If I had tried doing so, it would have been in vain.
I was listening to a phone conversation in which Paul was telling Linda that his wife had discovered the affair. Regina, Paul’s wife, had found a love letter that Linda had written him. He had been out of town attending an art exhibition, hoping to interest art dealers in his work. When he arrived home, he found his belongings piled in front of his house. He was now living with his parents.
He found a job in a small grocery store, making sandwiches to order for customers. I visited the store just to see Paul, the artist, in his apron, making sandwiches for minimum wage.
Ironically, he was probably being paid more for making sandwiches than he ever made for his artwork.
It was the last night of February. It would soon be spring. I was lying in bed, ready to fall asleep for the night, when Linda said, “The radio is forecasting light snow tonight. I’ll probably get up before you do. If it’s snowing, would you like me to put your car in the garage?”
“Yes, thank you. The keys are hanging on the key hook in the dining room.”
The next morning, I was half awake when an object flew past me, just missing my head. It landed with a bang on the bottom shelf of the headboard.
I awakened suddenly. Linda stood in the doorway gazing furiously at me.
“You ba*****rd!” she screamed at me. “You’ve been invading my privacy. I can’t live this way. I have no privacy. I won’t be here when you get home from work this evening. I’m leaving.”
The object on the headboard was a recorded tape that I had left in my car’s tape player. Linda must have listened to it while driving my car into the garage. As I was retrieving the tape, Linda lunged toward me. “I want that tape!” she said. We engaged in a wrestling match for possession of the tape. I won. It was of no consequence since the tape was never involved in our separation process. I kept it as a souvenir. I still have it, somewhere in the back of a drawer.
As expected, Linda was not there when I arrived home that evening. Mary Ann was not there, either. I was concerned. I assumed Mary Ann was with Linda, wherever she was, but I wanted to know for sure. What if something had happened to her, and Linda thought she was with me, and I thought she was with Linda?
As the evening wore on, I became more concerned. I should know where Mary Ann is and that she is okay. I thought of reporting her missing. Then, at 9 p.m., the phone rang. It was Linda.
“Mary Ann is with me,” she said. “We are at my friend Barbara’s house. We’ll be staying here until I can find us an apartment.”
Linda left on the pretext of a “privacy violation.” It was as if she was saying, “I did nothing wrong by cheating; you did wrong by catching me.” But she could no longer deny that she was having an affair.
In the end, her reason for leaving proved to be of no consequence. I concluded that I had misjudged her 20 years ago. I would never have married a woman who I thought was capable of cheating. My evaluation of her character back then was in error.
Chapter 2 — Part III
