If a woman, or a man, wants "a partner who more likely matches what they desire in a relationship," then they should marry someone who fulfills that desire. For someone who has misjudged, and finds herself or himself married to someone who fails to fulfill that desire, I have described an ideal, honorable process for solving that problem.

https://medium.com/p/870151ef21f8

If someone doesn't try until it's "too late," who decided it's too late? Deciding it's "too late" seems like a cheap excuse to justify cheating. "Oh, you're trying, but too bad, I have decided that it's too late." (ie, "I'm having too much fun cheating and I need a good excuse.") The honorable course is to dissolve the marriage first, then seek a new spouse.

There is nothing dishonorable about two people voluntarily agreeing to an open marriage, but, as you say, it can be tricky.

My wife and I have been together as a couple for thirty years. I presume we must have whatever qualities are necessary. I don't remember either of us doing The Work™. I appreciate her just as she is and she appreciates me just as I am. We both made sure that was the case before we married. If either of us thought the other needed work, we would have gone our separate ways before making lifelong commitments.

We have never gotten "stale." We have never wanted to "change things up in the bedroom." If your partner is constantly shooting you down, that may lead to a break-up of the marriage. It is not a justification for cheating.

Marital unhappiness is no excuse for cheating. Cheating is never meritorious, as the author implies.

The survey the author is referring to is a survey of women and men who cheat. The results do not apply to honorable people of good character.