I engage feminists, often for amusement. I also engage out of curiosity, to find out how they will respond to questions about and challenges to their ideology. Many times I succumb to the temptation to toss out a smart-alec retort.

I concur with your advice to avoid taking a defensive stance and go on offense instead. I never tell feminists what they should think, say, or do. Instead, I tell them what I think and will or won't do. That puts them in the position of having to try to change my mind, instead of me trying to change theirs, which would be futile.