I’m just a girl who can’t say no
I’m in a terrible fix
I always say hey come on let’s go
Just when I oughta say nix
Dear #MeToo:
It has come to my attention that there are a substantial number of women who have difficulty uttering the word “no.” These women are also known to be easily swayed by persistent pressure. I also understand that they are not likely to walk away. It has recently dawned on me that I could make a very comfortable living by establishing a business, for instance an automobile dealership, that is arranged to cater to this population. I understand that there are a large number of automobiles available in Houston, Florida, and Puerto Rico that are available at a substantially discounted price. It seems to me that if I could acquire these automobiles I could sell them to the assertively challenged women mentioned above at a handsome profit. I’m also considering opening a real estate agency adjacent to the auto dealership specializing in overpriced swampland. It is likely that the population of women herein under discussion could be persuaded to purchase such plots of real estate by applying just the right pressure and exploiting their reluctance to assertively express objection. It is likely that they will agree to any proposition just so that I will give them permission to leave.
The obstacle that I have encountered is that I cannot locate any of those women. Every woman whom I have encountered is more than capable of saying “no” when she is offered a proposition in which she has no interest. When I have tried to persuade any one of them to change her mind, I have discovered that to be an unwise practice as her response is usually one that makes me wish I had not tried in the first place. Fortunately, I rarely get a chance to apply persuasion since they have no difficulty walking away the minute I try.
I was hoping that someone connected with #MeToo would be able to help me find this population of women who can’t say “no” to a proposition when subjected to persuasive tactics, who won’t walk away until I give them permission.
Sincerely,
Woodrow Peterson
