MOVING ON
{This story begins with Chapter 1 — Part I here:}
Her second episode of marital infidelity having been exposed, my wife, Linda flew the coop. Our daughter, Mary Ann, a pregnant 17-year-old high school senior was residing with her mother. Mary Ann’s pregnancy was the result of a one-time affair with a student, now a graduate who was a year her senior. He broke off contact and wanted no involvement with his child. Mary Ann was a single mother-to-be, but her mom and I were prepared to support her.
Before her departure, Linda treated me with hostility and contempt. She often expressed her irritation at my very presence in her life. In part, I believe, her ire was because of her frustration over the fact that she was married to me but wanted to be with someone else. She felt trapped, and, in her mind, it was my fault, even though she could have left at any time. Her reluctance to acknowledge the affair was the true obstacle in her path.
After her departure, her interactions with me were respectful and cordial. Linda and I related as friends. She and I, along with Mary Ann sometimes got together to engage in activities as a family. We frequently discussed plans for assisting Mary Ann in raising her child—a daughter, as revealed in the ultrasound. Occasionally Linda and I engaged in sexual relations.
Unlike during her first departure, nine years earlier, Linda and I were separating emotionally as well as physically. There was no indication that she might change her mind and resume our marriage. I would not have agreed to it if she did. Our relations, including sexual, were on a friendship basis.
Her affair partner, Paul’s, wife, Regina, had discovered the affair weeks before Linda’s departure and evicted him from their home. Linda and Paul were free to pursue their relationship openly. I found it curious that she and I had our occasional sexual liaisons. I wondered if Paul knew anything about that. Was she cheating on him with me now? During a casual conversation, I mentioned that she and Paul must be spending much of their free time together.
“No,” Linda replied, “Not really. At least not very often”
“Oh, Why not? Aren’t you both unattached now?”
“He doesn’t make himself available very often,” was her answer.
I didn’t pursue the topic any further. My earlier suspicion that Paul did not take their relationship as seriously as Linda was reinforced.
“Are you and Sharon spending time together these days?” Linda asked.
I was astonished hearing that question. I gave Linda a blank stare.
“Sharon?!” I answered dumbfoundedly, “I haven’t seen Sharon in years. I don’t even know where she is. I don’t know if she still lives in this area. I heard she went home to be close to her mom and dad in Colorado.”
“Really?” Linda responded, “I thought you were still seeing her. Wasn’t she calling you on the phone from time to time?”
“She called me twice. The two calls were at least a year apart. You handed me the phone both times. I explained to you that she was having some paranoid thoughts and she turned to me to help her sort them out. She probably had nowhere else to turn. A few months after the second call, I happened to run into one of her neighbors who told me that he thought she went back to Colorado, where she was from. He wasn’t sure, but that’s what he thought.”
Linda shrugged, “I thought you were seeing her regularly,” she said.
“You were mistaken,” I replied.
That conversation started me thinking. Had Linda ended her previous affair with Paul when she claimed she did, or had she continued seeing him all along?
Then it occurred to me that I might try to find Sharon. I wasn’t sure where she might be. She might still be living nearby. She might have returned to Boulder, Colorado, where she said she was from. Or, she might be somewhere else. She had to be somewhere, I thought.
I checked the building where she lived when I last saw her. It was abandoned and deteriorating. I wouldn’t find her there, nor would I find a former neighbor who might know where she is.
The nearby tavern where we first met when she walked in and, for some mysterious reason sat beside me and started a conversation was closed and boarded up.
I looked in the telephone book, but Sharon had never had a phone and her name was absent. I went to the library and looked in the Boulder phonebook; no luck.
I had no further leads. Internet searches were unavailable in those days; I might have located her if they had been.
I could not find Sharon. I abandoned the search.
Linda informed me that she had talked to a lawyer about separating legally. It was the first time during our 10-year ordeal that she had taken that step.
“The lawyer suggested that since we are getting along, without serious conflict, we should investigate divorce mediation,” Linda told me.
We contacted an organization that functions as a divorce mediator. After working with them, we decided to self-mediate. Linda stated that she wanted half the proceeds when or if I sold our house. She would allow me to deduct the original down payment amount since I had used money inherited from a deceased grandfather.
At first, I was resistant to the idea. I felt that she would be prospering from cheating since she would never have been in a position to acquire an asset of that magnitude on her own. I eventually gave in. I reasoned that Mary Ann would be uncomfortable if her mom was enduring financial insecurity. Ultimately, Linda used the proceeds to provide a home for Mary Ann and our soon-to-be granddaughter. I was glad to have contributed to that result. I did not even deduct the down payment. Linda was pleased with our agreement and so was I.
Agreeing on terms of separation saved us the expense of two lawyers. I hired an attorney to file the necessary papers. Linda and I were legally separated in contemplation of a no-fault divorce. It was done.
One of the terms of our separation stated that we were free to enter relationships with other people.
